


The Baettle of Squads (Kind Of)

by chameleonofdoom



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Bitching, Humor, Humour, Lust, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pranks, Slight OOC, Squads, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-20 02:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5989642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chameleonofdoom/pseuds/chameleonofdoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata, Noya, Suga, Kenma, Oikawa, Yamaguchi, Ennoshita, Yaku and Akaashi (the Birds) are all friends. They're a group of friends who would be considered losers or nerds, but they're cute as hell, so they don't get picked on. Usually. There's another group, made up of Kageyama, Asahi, Daichi, Kuroo, Iwaizumi, Tsukki, Tanaka, Lev and Bokuto (the Wolves). They're what people call the bad boys, or the bullies (even though they definitely aren't. Sometimes they call names to keep up with appearances, but otherwise, they're sweet eggs.) The 2 groups didn't really interact, until one day, when they call Kenma some names, and then the two groups are at a (kind of) war. They're (kind of) enemies.</p><p>However, the Wolves are too gay for their own good.</p><p>Poor Kiyoko.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

Hinata nearly killed someone.

He was walking to another building, and he saw a group of boys surrounding someone and jeering at them. When he saw it was his friend, Kenma, he immediately attacked the leader. First, he tackled the boy, and punched his jaw. The punch wasn’t very effective, as the boy laughed. So, Hinata bit the boy’s arm, before standing up and getting ready to kick the boy in the head, but someone stopped him.

“Hinata, stop.” Suga had somehow appeared and put a hand on Hinata’s shoulder.

“But!” Hinata started.

“No. What have I taught you?” Suga shook his head disapprovingly.

“Sorry mum.” Hinata hung his head in shame. Suddenly, the rest of Hinata’s squad showed up.

“Yeah Hinata! Even I wouldn’t do something like that!” Noya exclaimed.

“Shut up Noya.”

“Sorry mum.” Noya joined Hinata and hung his head in shame.

“What happened?” Oikawa asked.

“Yeah, what happened?” Noya jumped.

“These boys were bullying Kenma.” Hinata mumbled.

“WHAT!?” Noya screeched.

“WHAT?!” Suga screeched.

“WHERE ARE THEY!?” Noya rolled up his sleeves (he was wearing a sleeveless shirt) and looked around. Said boys were watching in amusement.

“Guys, come on, leave it.” Suga sighed.

“Aw, I wanted to kill them though!” Noya whined.

“I’m going to do something first.” Hinata said, before reaching into his bag and grabbing a sparkly pink bouncy ball that Natsu and put in his bag and threw it at the leader’s head. He turned around and left. No one messes with Kenma. No one.

As he was walking away, he heard people giggling coming from most people in his squad, some from the previous group, and a couple of passers-by. He left for the café, Yamaguchi and Akaashi with him, as the others had a class, and they had their class in 3 hours. They sat down, but Hinata was shoved out of his seat and told to get food, much to his dismay.

As he was waiting, a girl approached him.

“Excuse me?”  The girl said nervously.

“Yeah?”

“I’m Yachi Hitoka, I just wanted to say thanks and congrats on attacking Kageyama like that, no one has stood up to him before, or any of the Wolves for that matter, and it was refreshing to say the very least.” The girl blabbered.

“The Wolves?” Hinata asked.

“Don’t you know them?”

“No?”

“Well then! I’ll tell you everything. Finish ordering, I’ll find a table.”

“Oh, I was sitting with my friends. Look for a brown haired boy with freckles that looks like an angel and an intimidating-ish boy with black hair.”

“Okay!”

~

Hinata walked over to the table placing everything down, and sat down himself.

“Right, Yachi, you said you’d explain?” Hinata asked, shoving a muffin in his mouth.

“Right, well…”

~

“So basically, Hinata attacked the leader of the most badass, popular group in the uni?” Akaashi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yep!” Yachi grinned.

“Oh my god.” Yamaguchi groaned.

“What?” Hinata asked.

“That means they’ll probably target us!” Yamaguchi frowned.

“Oh.”

“Right.”

“You guys shouldn’t worry; you guys are pretty popular too.” Yachi said, biting into a cookie, before spitting it out; oatmeal raisin that looked like chocolate chip cookies were the reason Yachi had trust issues.

“Really?” Hinata asked. This was news, he didn’t know that his group was popular.

“Yeah, people call you guys the Birds and think that you’re cute and handsome and whatever.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s annoying really. My friends always talk about your group and the Wolves. ‘Omg Hinata is so cute.’ ‘Yamaguchi-kun looks like an angel’ ‘Suga is so precious.’ ‘Ennoshita is so mature and hot.’ Blah.” Yachi rolled her eyes. Hinata and Yamaguchi looked like they were about to faint, while Akaashi rolled his eyes. He’s received more than enough confessions, mostly from girls, which was funny as he was the gayest gay to ever gay. 100% homo.            

“They find ME cute?” Hinata and Yamaguchi were both freaking out. People actually liked them for looks? Impossible.

“I understand why they like Yamaguchi because he’s a smol precious angel but me?” Hinata was babbling.

“I mean Hinata is a smol tiny bby, but I’m not what?” Yamaguchi’s brain seemed to be short circuiting. Akaashi sighed.

“Well, Yachi, hand me your email, I’ll add you to our group chat. Welcome to the birds.” He yawned. “We all have classes now, let’s go guys.”

~

_AkASSi has added_ [ _yachi.hitoka@gmail.com_ ](mailto:yachi.hitoka@gmail.com) _to the group._

AkASSi: hey guys I’ve added Yachi, she gave us information about the group that was bullying Kenma

Sunshine: HI!!!!

Yamagucci: Hi Yachi

Aliens: Idk who u are but hey fren

Yucku: hello

Ennoshit: Hi

(Everyone saves Yachi in contacts.)

Yachi: hi um I met Akaashi Yamaguchi and Hinata in the uni café

Hinata: hey speaking of which… LET’S GET REVENGE ON THEM

Rolling Thunder: YEAH

Sugar: this is what you save everyone as, you can tell who they are from their emails.

Sugar: [picture sent]

Yachi: why is Akaashi called AkASSi

AkASSi: that’s what they did to me

AkASSi: everyone has normal-ish names and then there’s mine

Ennoshit: dude do you think I like my name

Yachi: what is happening

Sugar: its AkASSi bc he’s an asshole and he has a nice ass

Sugar: not my words

Meow: hi sorry I was playing Reaper of Souls

Aliens: Suga has a thing for thighs

Sugar: stfu

Hinata: tomorrow is Sunday no one has classes right?

Ennoshit: yeah

Yucku: we can meet up at the café

AkASSi: at 12

Sunshine: OKAY

Rolling Thunder: welcome Yachi just a quick question

Yachi: yeah?

Rolling Thunder: what is ur sexuality?

Sugar: NOYA YOU CAN’T JUST ASK THAT

Yachi: it’s fine

Yachi: I’m gay af

Ennoshit: …

Yachi: what? Do you guys have a problem with it?

Aliens: hahA as if

Yachi: wat

Ennoshit: ANOTHER GAY PERSON HOW MANY GAY PEOPLE ARE THERE EVERYONE IS GAY SUGA IS FUCKING HOMO EVERYONE HERE IS A FUCKING TWINK AS WELL EVERYONE BOTTOMS HERE WHAT THE FUCK

Yachi: oh

Yachi: are you straight Ennoshita?

Aliens: lol

Sugar: lol

Rolling Thunder: lol

AkASSi: lol

Meow: lol

Yucku: lol

Yamagucci: lol

Yachi: what

Ennoshit: I’m a gay twink too

Yachi: oh

Ennoshit: don’t get us started with the whole twink thing though we had a war over who was the biggest twink hA

Aliens: I had to be taken to the hospital

Yachi: was it a bad thing to have met you guys…?

Sugar: probably

Yachi: who was the biggest twink?

Ennoshit: Kenma

Meow: I am not

Sunshine: you are

Meow: I am not

Aliens: you are

Meow I am not

Sugar: you are

Meow: I am not

Yamagucci: we probably shouldn’t bully him guys…

Yamagucci: but yeah you are

Meow: nO

Ennoshit: stop it you homo pieces of shit

Yachi: I’m going to sleep now bye

EVERYONE: good night

~

Hinata arrived at the café. He spotted his squad, and as he was sitting down, he had a cup of coffee shoved towards him.

“We have some plans already, Hinata.” Yachi informed him.

“What plans?” Hinata asked, sipping his coffee.

“A couple of pranks and stuff.”

“Oh! We could get their baby pictures and put them around the uni!” Hinata suggested.

“Yeah!” Noya yelled, bouncing in his seat.

“We should start with that then.” Ennoshita nodded.

“Okay, let’s assign a Wolf to a Bird. We’ll look into their family and everything. Either befriend their sibling or the parent or anything as such. Let’s go!”

~

Everyone was done. Hinata had been assigned the leader, of all people. Apparently though, he had no siblings, meaning he had to befriend Kageyama’s mother. This would be fun. They all had to get a picture in 5 days, because that was when they all had classes (don’t ask how Yachi knew this.)

Long stories short, everyone got their pictures. Once they had befriended a relative, the conversations went like this:

 

“Hey, I know (person), would you mind aiding me in embarrassing them and giving me their baby pictures?”

“Sure, I (hate/love) them, this’ll be funny.”

~

Naturally, when the Wolves got out of their classes, they were surprised. Hinata had managed to get a bathtub photo, so Kageyama was the most embarrassed. Life was glorious.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?” Kageyama growled, having ripped the picture from the wall. Hinata appeared, grinning.

“Don’t you like it? I thought that it would be nice to show everyone what a cute baby you were.” Hinata fake-pouted. This was hilarious.

“You asshole!” Kageyama snarled, backing Hinata into the wall. “You’re going to pay for this.”

“Eh, it’ll be worth it though.”

Kageyama made a strangled growling noise, lifting Hinata up by the shirt. Luckily, before Kageyama could do any serious damage, a professor came running.

“Stop that!” She shrieked. Kageyama dropped Hinata and walked away, grumbling.

“Hinata, are you okay?” The teacher asked.

“Yes Chie-senpai.” Hinata nodded quickly. The professor sighed. Being a fucking window licker would be easier than dealing with these young adults that insisted on acting like children.

~

Everyone was gathered at the café, recounting what had happened to them.

“…And then Iwaizumi picked me up and threw me out the window!” Oikawa grumbled. He was lucky that he was on the first floor.

“Unluckily for us though.” Akaashi had muttered.

“So mean!”

Yachi laughed. Her life had gotten at least 100 times more exciting ever since she had met these lovable gay nerds.

“I think we should agree that Iwaizumi and Kageyama had the most aggressive reactions, yeah?” Yachi grinned. Everyone nodded.

“Daichi and Suga were the funniest, definitely.” Hinata piped in.

_Suga was waiting outside the Maths classroom. As people piled out, they saw the picture and laughed, some high fiving Suga. The picture was labelled, ‘Sawamura Daichi as a baby’. Then, Daichi saw it. He did a double take, before staring at Suga. Suga grinned._

_“Surprise!”_

_“What the fuck!” Daichi cursed. A couple of freshmen cowered at Daichi’s dark aura. Suga was unaffected, however. He glared at Daichi._

_“Did. You. Swear. In. Front. Of. Children.” Suga said in a low voice, fixing Daichi with his most ferocious mum glare._

_“Uh…” Daichi was at loss for words. This was just like the time when he broke a window, and didn’t tell his mum._

_“You just swore in earshot of precious freshmen hm?” Suga’s glare intensified. At loss of what to do, Daichi fled. People stared in wonder at Suga._

 

“Thank you.” Suga beamed.

“I think the most backwards reaction was Yaku’s person.” Oikawa spoke.

 

_Yaku waited outside the classroom. People were streaming out, but Lev wasn’t out yet. Finally;_

_“Oh! What’s this?” Lev stared at the picture of him as a tiny creature, almost as tiny as the boy standing in front of the picture._

_“You as a baby.”_

_“Did you do this?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“But you’re so small! How did you manage to get it up on the wall?”_

_Yaku’s vision went red and he glared up at the giant asshole, before roundabout kicking his ass. How dare he._

_“Ow!” Lev cried, Yaku stomping away._

“Yeah we were meant to aggravate the Wolves.”

“Shut your shit fucker.”

Everyone rolled their eyes.

“I think we should go home and rest now, yeah?” Suga grinned.

“Yeah!”

~

Ennoshit: hello guys I have a very important announcement

Sunshine: WTAH

Rolling Thunder: what

Ennoshit: the wolves are planning on doing something tomorrow, so be on guard.

Yucku: alright

Yucku: as if that giant asshole would dare go near me anyway

Aliens: lol


	2. Too Gay, Too Homo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updates will come like this:  
> A Long Bird POV  
> A Short Wolves POV  
> A Long Bird POV  
> A Short Wolves POV  
> and so on  
> I'M GLAD YOU ALL LIKE THE STORY

Hinata was attacked first. He was walked with Noya when something freezing cold was poured into his shirt. Ice cubes.

“Ah! It’s cold!” Hinata screeched, running around in circles. Noya, panicking, ripped Hinata’s shirt off.

“Ah.” Hinata sighed, the ice cubes falling to the ground. Kageyama watched with a smirk. Hinata grabbed his shirt, to find it was wet. He turned around and glared at Kageyama.

“You! I’ll have to walk home shirtless now!” Hinata grumbled. Suddenly, Kageyama was aware of the fact that Hinata was shirtless, and was wearing short shorts that were riding low on his hips. In that moment, he noticed Hinata’s smooth, creamy, milky legs. Iwaizumi, (who was with Kageyama) noticed Kageyama in his dream state, and quickly dragged him back to the bakery, where everyone else was at. He sighed. Trust Kageyama to be turn into an extreme homo at the least convenient moment.

~

 “So how did the plan go?” Bokuto asked, dramatically spinning around on a desk chair.

“It was fine, we executed it.” Iwaizumi nodded. “But, the Noya boy ripped Hinata’s shirt off and Kageyama went full homo.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened. “No.”

“Yes.” Iwaizumi nodded grimly. Bokuto sighed.

“We’ll discuss this later.”

~

Hoot: Kageyama went full homo

Neko: wAT

Neko: OH NO BRO

Hoot: BRO NO OH

Tsundere: Daichi has also gone full homo because of Suga’s legs

Hoot: OH NO

Big Head (Tanaka): Lev is so homo rn send help

Kiyoko: I think that we should have another meeting okay?

Big Head: YES, I AGREE YOURE SO SMART KIYOKO

Hoot: why are you all so homo

Hoot: you’ve fallen for the enemy

Hoot: are you kidding

~

The Wolves met at the café.

“So, Kageyama, Daichi and Lev have gone full homo?” Kuroo asked.

“Yeah.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

“How serious?” Bokuto leaned forward.

“Very.” Tanaka whispered.

“Ah too bad there’s no cure.” Tsukishima said sarcastically. Bokuto and Kuroo didn’t take note of the sarcasm, and nodded grimly. Devastating. Everyone was too homo for their own good.


	3. Fucking Minxes The Lot of Them

Yachi: Guys

Yachi: I have good news

Yachi: change of plans and everything we’re not going to do any more pranks

Aliens: why?

Yachi: I’ll tell you the details at the café

Yachi: today in 2 hours

Hinata: yES

~

Everyone sat at the usual table waiting for Yachi.

“Hey everyone, sorry I’m late, my cat stole my phone and hid it in the, luckily clean, litterbox.” Yachi sighed sitting down.

“What’s the news?!” Hinata bounced in his seat.

“YEAH!” Noya screamed, excited.

“Well, a friend of mine that has close ties with the Wolves has told me some stuff.” Yachi began.

“Ooooh! What is it?” Oikawa leaned forward, as if that would make the news come faster.

“Well…”

~

“Are you telling me that Kageyama Tobio, leader of the Wolves, badass extraordinaire, has gone full homo for me? And Lev is homo for Yaku? And Daichi is homo for mum?” Hinata asked.

“Yes.”

“What?!” Hinata exploded, brain short circuiting, Yaku and Suga in similar states.

“So what I’m planning is for you all to get the rest of them to go homo for you, then you’ll have more opportunities to embarrass them.”

“What if we don’t want to?” Yaku asked, crossing his arms.

“Do you really want to find out?” Yachi laughed, but with an evil glint in her eyes. Yaku paled and shook his head. “And it’s too late either way, Lev is already homo for you.”

Yaku grumbled.

~

Oikawa had volunteered to go first. Yachi had given everyone either a pair of short girls shorts, or spandex short shorts. Basically, they were going to show a lot of skin. Oikawa was in spandex shorts, which he didn’t refuse, and was currently in Calculus that all art majors (Oikawa, Hinata) and science majors (Iwaizumi) took together.

“Good morning Chie-senpai!” Oikawa chirped.

“Good morning, Oikawa, do you have your assignment?” She smiled.

“Yes!” Oikawa made a show of pulling out the papers, and dropping them everywhere. Yachi had helped him actually write the homework (because he was dumb as fuck, in Akaashi’s words), so that there were plenty sheets of paper.

“Sorry senpai!” Oikawa apologised.

“It’s alright, just pick them up.”

Oikawa nodded, and bent over, smirking slightly. Hinata grinned from the podiums. He watched Iwaizumi and his friends.

Iwaizumi’s friends slowly looked down where Oikawa was, ass sticking in the air. They all stared with wide hungry eyes, drinking in the sight. Iwaizumi frowned when he realised his classmates weren’t listening. He looked to see what they could possibly be staring at, before seeing Oikawa and doing a double take.

_He was gorgeous. Long smooth legs, lean body, round ass. And now he’s full homo whoops._

Oikawa finished picking everything up, flustered. He looked over at Hinata who gave a thumbs up, and he grinned.

“Here Chie-senpai.”

“Thank you Oikawa.”

~

Aliens: I DID IT

Rolling Thunder: oooh what happened?

Hinata: YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN IWAIZUMI’S FACE HAHA

Yachi: wHAT

Ennoshit: can u actually tell us what happened

Aliens: what

Aliens: idk what happened because I was too busy picking up stuff, only Hinata knows.

Yamagucci: café?

AkASSi: oh no I’m next though

Meow: oh no I’m after Ass

Meow: *Akaashi

Meow: auto correct

Sugar: ha I’m like second to last

Yamagucci: I have to do it to a tall scary man

Yamagucci: help can I just not do it please

Yachi: no

Yamaguchi: [:( ]

Yachi: CAFÉ

~

Oikawa burst through the door.

“The star has arrived!” He sang, attracting the attention of everyone in the store. He grinned at everyone and sat down at their table.

“So what happened?” Suga asked. Hinata smirked.

“I secretly took some pictures!” Hinata grinned, and passed around his iPhone, showing everyone. Oikawa was last, much to his dismay.

Finally, he got to see:

“Oh my god. He looks so fucking hungry what the fuck.” Oikawa said, eyes wide. He didn’t know if he should laugh or cry.

“It just means you’ve succeeded.” Yachi smirked.

“Who’s next?” Hinata asked.

“Uh…” Akaashi shrank back in his seat. “Not me?”

“It’s Akaashi’s turn!” Hinata laughed.

“Ugh. What am I meant to do?” Akaashi grumbled.

“Well…”

~

“Oh my god.” Oikawa laughed.

“Fuck oh god poor Akaashi.” Ennoshita gasped for breath. Everyone was laughing at his expense. He wasn’t doing anything _bad,_ it’s just that he had to be more obvious, and it was _Akaashi_ , the most tsundere out of all of them.

“Why do I have to strip?” Akaashi groaned, face buried in his arm. “To music?”

“Because Bokuto is oblivious and won’t notice you otherwise.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“You better fucking do it, I had to.” Oikawa grinned cheekily at Akaashi.

“All you had to do was bend over and show your ass, Mr. Aliens-are-real.”

“They are real! And I still did it though!” Oikawa exclaimed defensively.   

“You have to do it Akaashi.” Yachi told him, trying to keep a straight (unlike her) face, and failing miserably.

“Fuck you all.” Akaashi mumbled.

“Nah you’re a twink. I think you’d rather have Bokuto fuck you.” Oikawa sang. Everyone giggled as Akaashi gave Oikawa the middle finger.

“Akaashi! That’s no way to treat your brother!” Suga gasped, half joking, half serious.

“Sorry mum.” Akaashi mumbled.

“What about we get someone else to do their one as well? So Akaashi isn’t alone?” Yachi suggested.

“Yes, please.” Akaashi sighed with relief.

“Who was meant to be next?” Hinata asked.

“Kenma.” Yamaguchi read off his phone. “Then it’s uh… not me.”

“Yamaguchi…”

“Okay, maybe I’m next.”

“Can I not do it please?” Kenma murmured.

“Oh not this again.” Yachi groaned. “No, everyone has to do it, I thought we made that clear.”

“Fine. What am I doing?”

“Your one is simple!”

~

“So I have to mouth fuck an ice block.”

“Yep.”

“Why must you do this to me?” Kenma was red, understandably, seeing as he was the shyest of them all.

“At least yours is the subtlest.” Akaashi pointed out.

“Fine.”

“Let’s do this.”

~

Yachi had gotten her ‘friend that had close ties’ to get the wolves to go to the local park, where Akaashi would strip and Kenma would suck an ice block (I think that’s ice lolly in the U.K) as if it were a dick. Normal.

~

Akaashi’s plan had to be done first.

“Ha!” Hinata screeched as he pushed a disgruntled Akaashi into the lake. “Get rekt!”

“Fuck you Hinata!”

“No thanks Keiji! I’m sure you’d rather have other people do that!” Hinata squealed and ran away when Akaashi got out of the lake. Part 1 was complete.

Then, Yachi played some suggestive pop song, some Birds (cough, cough, Hinata and Noya) got up and started dancing, which had not been planned.

Akaashi began stripping. He lifted his shirt slowly, hips swaying to the beat of the song. He tossed the shirt to the side, eyes closed (the shirt landed on Yamaguchi’s head), and swayed to the music. Ennoshita was recording Bokuto and Yaku was recording Akaashi (for friendly purposes, definitely not for anything bad like blackmail, duh). Akaashi slowly pulled his shorts down, and Suga was standing by (holding a pair of dry board shorts), trying not to laugh. Still swaying his hips, this time without a shirt or shorts.

“Pass the shorts Suga.” Akaashi mumbled tiredly.

“Why should I?” Suga grinned cheekily.

“Pass the shorts… Please.”

“No.” Suga answered, dashing away. Akaashi’s eyes widened. This wasn’t in the plan (it was lol they just didn’t tell him).

“Suga!” Akaashi growled, running after him. Suga squealed (and he was meant to be the mum and the mature one smh) and tossed it to the nearest person, who was Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi, looked around to see Akaashi running for him, screamed and quickly tossed it behind him, hoping someone was there. Yamaguchi, for good measure, ran across the park and dived behind the tallest object he could find. (Tsukishima lol Tsukki didn’t mind the cute angel gripping his ass.)

“Why am I even friends with you guys?” Akaashi asked, muffled by the shorts he currently had on his head, which some kind lady decided to throw back at him.

“Because we’re awesome, duh!” Oikawa grinned, flashing his signature pose.

“I hate you all.”

“Nice to know, dickhead.” Oikawa laughed.

“Fuck you too.”

“Like Hinata said, I’m sure you’d rather have a certain someone fuck you instead of myself.” Oikawa murmured slyly. Akaashi’s eyes flashed.

“Just get changed, your soaked boxers leave nothing to the imagination.” Oikawa said airily. Akaashi blushed intensely, putting on the board shorts. He needed to get some better friends.

After Akaashi was done, and had finished fighting Ennoshita and Yaku, demanding to see the video, in which they both had refused, and Akaashi tried to tackle Yaku, thinking that he would be the easiest target, only to be roundabout kicked into oblivion. Served him right.

“Kenma’s turn!” Hinata jumped up and down, hyper.

“Okay Kenma! Here is your ice block, have fun!” Yachi grinned.

Kenma sat down on the bench nearest to where the Wolves were, cursing his poor choice in friends, and began by sucking the tip, making small sounds of pleasure (bc it was unbearably hot and ice blocks are cold okay). A drip of melted cherry ice block, so he licked from the bottom all the way up. He then took as much of it as he could in his mouth, sucking on it harshly. He took the ice block out, and licked his lips. Part 1 complete.

Kenma then shyly looked up at the Wolves, and made eye contact with Kuroo, who was staring, jaw slack. Kenma suddenly had an idea. He used his tongue and broke the top half of the ice block off, chewing it in his mouth. Kuroo shuddered, and looked away. Kenma smiled ever so slightly. He got up, and walked back to the Birds.

~

“Oh my god Kenma! His face was so stupid! Amazing!” Hinata squealed.

“Good job Kenma! Especially the last bit, it was clear he was imagining the ice block as his own dick ha!” Oikawa grinned. Kenma made a face at that. So vulgar.

“Let’s head over to the café and watch the footage yeah?” Ennoshita asked. Everyone nodded and left.

~

“Oh my fucking god that was amazing!” Noya wheezed, laughing. “Well fucking done you’ve clearly got Bokuto under control.”

Akaashi however, was not so happy about his job, face in his arms.

“What’s wrong Akaashi?” Suga asked.

“You can see my dick.”

“What?” Suga asked. To be quite honest, he didn’t notice. Neither did anyone else. They replayed the video.

“Holy fuck, yeah you can.”

“I know that’s why I said it.” Akaashi mumbled.

“Shit dude Bokuto has a fucking boner.” Ennoshita grinned.

“Holy fuck you can see your dick bouncing.”

“Noya!”

“Sorry mum!”

Akaashi wanted to cry.

“I fucking hate you all.”

“Excuse me?” Suga asked, affronted.

“Don’t worry mum he’s just going through a phase.” Noya patted Suga’s back consolingly.

“Ugh, can we just watch Kenma’s video?”

“Oh yeah!”

~

Kenma was now doing what Akaashi was doing previously.

“You were really going at it Kenma. I’m impressed.”

“Kuroo has a boner, you can see it and everything.” Noya laughed.

“What?”

“Look! Kuroo has a boner from watching Kenma!”

“…Oh my god you’re right.”

“Shut up guys. Please.” Kenma groaned. “And I’ll buy you all ice-cream.”

“Okay!” Hinata jumped up and down. Fucking Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've figured an update schedule! It'll kind of look like this, it maybe change, or I might post early or late.
> 
> Friday: Maybe a Bird Chapter + Wolves Chapter, depends on how busy I am.  
> Saturday: Bird Chapter + Wolves Chapter  
> Sunday: Bird Chapter + Wolves Chapter
> 
> You can never be sure with me lol


	4. Horny Bastards

Big Head: IT’S AN EMERGENCY GUYS

ASSahi: what?

Big Head: Iwaizumi, Bokuto and Kuroo have gone full homo!!!!!!!!!!!

Tsundere: oh my god this again

Big Head: IT’S JUST ME TSUKKI AND ASAHI NOW

Neko: sorry guys

Hoot: oh my go d but you could see his dick guys I want to suck his dick

Thighchi: ugh I want Suga to wrap his legs around my waist I can understand

Hoot: ew

Neko: KENMA IS SO MUCH SIN HE SUCKED THE IC E BLOCK LIKE A DICK

Neko: HLEP

Iwa: fuck that little minx Oikawa has really nice legs I understand

Big Head: OH MY FUCK IT’S MORE SEVERE THAN I THOUGHT

Leg: yAKU IS SO TINY AND PRECIOUS AND SMALL I wanna fuck him

Tsundere: what the fuck dude

Big Head: KAGEYAMA ARE YOU THERE TELL ME YOUR ONE ISN’T AS SEVERE

Milk: obviously not I wouldn’t fall for that dumbass

Leg: but you sent me this text [screenshot]

_Milk: I want to fuck Hinata until he screams and I want to leave marks all over those legs_

_Milk: Lev help me_

Big Head: OH MY GOD KAGEYAMA YOU HORNY SHIT

Milk: LEV WHY

Leg: you were lying?

Milk: I TRUSTED YOU DUMBASS

Milk: YOU cAN’T JUST SHARE THAT WITH EVERYONE

Tsundere: fuck why is everyone here so fucking gay

Thighchi: aren’t you gay ?

Tsundere: notice I said ‘everyone’

ASSahi: guys are you okay

Neko: no

Hoot: n o  I  c o u l d  s e e  h i s  d i c k

Kiyoko: I’ll sort something out guys

ASSahi: thanks kiyoko

~

(Yes the boys are definitely too fucking homo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I'll update every Saturday and Sunday, and maybe Friday, if I'm not busy with school shit.
> 
> (This is an better example of a Wolves chapter lol)


	5. The End of The Turning Homo Shit and The Beginning of The Embarrassing Era Shit Shit sShit shtih

Yachi: our plans are on hold until next week the Wolves all are busy

Yachi: @yams I’ll message you your plan

AkASSi: WHY THE FUCK WAS I GIVEN 2 SECONDS NOTIC E THEN

Rolling Thunder: ha she hates you

AkASSi: fuck off

Rolling Thunder: what the fuck u say

AkASSi: what the fuck u do

Rolling Thunder: what the fuck 

AkASSi: fuck u

Rolling Thunder: STOP ASKING US TO FUCK U JESUS CHRIST GET BOKUTO TO DO THE FUkiN JOB

Ennoshit: oh my god

Aliens: oh my god geT REKT

Yachi: what the hap is fuckening

AkASSi: I hat e you all

~

“GO YAMAGUCHI YOU CAN DO THIS!” Hinata grinned. Yamaguchi was currently hiding under the table.

“I’m barely wearing clothes!”

“That’s the point.” Yachi grinned this time. They had dressed him in a plain white t-shirt and shorts. Really short shorts. Like, _really, really_ short shorts.

“He’s _scary_!” Yamaguchi whined.

“JUST DO IT!” Noya screamed.

“Shut up Shia.”

“Yamaguchi, you have to do it, or I’ll take matters into my own hand.” Yachi threatened.

“Okay!” Yamaguchi said hastily, getting up.

“Poor Yamaguchi.” Akaashi shook his head. Tsukishima truly was one of the scariest of the lot.

~

Yamaguchi walked up to a girl with black hair, called Kiyoko who apparently was the ‘friend with close ties’. (Surprise lol are you surprised at all.)

He said one word. “Yachi.”

Kiyoko nodded, and began chatting with Yamaguchi, to make it seem natural.

“Hey, hey, hey! Why is Kiyoko talking to that boy huh? I’m going to kill him!” Tanaka screeched.

“What are you going on about now, idiot?” Tsukki turned around from his conversation with Kuroo, and faced Tanaka.

“That boy! Kiyoko’s giving him more attention than she’s ever given me!” Tanaka screeched. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and looked at the boy Kiyoko was taking to. His eyes widened massively and he took in the sight of the freckled angel wearing not so angelic shorts.

“…Tsukishima are you okay?” Kiyoko asked, raising a perfect eyebrow at him.

“What?”

“You’ve been staring at Yamaguchi for a while now.”

“I’m okay, definitely, and I wasn’t staring.” Tsukishima defended himself.

“Sure.”

Tsukishima blushed, ever so slightly.

“I have to go now Kiyoko, but I’ll see you later!” Yamaguchi smiled softly, and walked back to the squad base, shaking his hips the _slightest_ bit, like Yachi had told him to.

~

“Isn’t he supposed to be really tsundere?” Noya asked, chewing on a bread roll.

“He is tsundere.” Ennoshita answered, also eating one.

“Why is he blushing so much though?”

“Oh my god Yamaguchi you made the King of being tsundere blush oh my god Yams that’s amazing.”

“Thanks?”

Yachi looked down at her phone.

“Kiyoko tells me that Tsukishima likes your legs Yamaguchi.”

“WHAT?!” Yamaguchi screeched, eyes wide.

“Oh my god, why does every single one of the Wolves have a thing for legs what the fuck.”

“Hey! My legs are ~great~!” Oikawa drawled.

“Shut up Oikawa.” Ennoshita rolled his eyes.

“There’s only Ennoshita and Noya left, right?” Hinata asked conversationally.

“What are we going to do after that then?” Oikawa frowned.

“Do what we wanted to do in the first place; embarrass them!” Yachi grinned, and in that moment everyone realised that Yachi had only decided to help them in order to spite/get revenge on the Wolves. In that moment, they realised how evil their cute blonde friend was.

~

Ennoshita was second to last. Meaning it was his turn. Also, it was definitely okay to cry in this moment. Ennoshita, a respectful, mature young man with a promising future had to use really, really, _really, really_ , cheesy and awful and horrifying _pickup lines and innuendos to get the attention of the big headed Tanaka Ryuunosuke._ He had complained, at first, until Yachi threatened to make him do what Noya was doing… and he agreed to do the task he was originally given.

~

Ennoshita regretted ever meeting his so called friends. He was currently striding over to the buzz haired man, red all over, crying inside.

“Are you from Tennessee?” Ennoshita asked, cringing slightly.

“What?” Tanaka turned around.

“Because you’re the only ten I see.” Ennoshita finished, still cringing. Tanaka laughed.

“That’s a good one! I have one!” Tanaka flailed about excitedly. This isn’t what he was expecting.

“I’m no light switch, but you sure turn me on.” Tanaka said, smirking slightly. How very forward, Ennoshita thought.

“You know what this shirt is made of?” Ennoshita started.

“Boyfriend material?” Tanaka asked, unimpressed.

“Cotton.” Ennoshita finished.

“Ha! That was good! You’re cool! Which is a compliment, because I am in fact better than you!” Tanaka laughed. How unbearable, Ennoshita thought, who would ever fall for that guy.

“I’m leaving now.” Ennoshita said, turning around.

“Aw, okay!”

~

“Wow Ennoshita.”

“It’s very strange, but he seems rather taken by you.”

“Didn’t know you had it in you, Shit.”

“Shut up!”

“Calm your tits.” Oikawa drawled.

“Calm Iwaizumi’s erection.” Ennoshita countered. There was silence before:

“OH MY GOD.”

“THIS IS JUST BRINGING THE BEST OUT OF ALL OF US ISN’T IT.”

“FRIENDSHIP.”

“FUCKING REKT.”

“HOLY FUCK SHOTS FIRED!”

“THAT’S AMAZING DAMN.”

“Guys! Make sure we all meet at my house in,” Yachi checked her watch. “2 hours, at 4pm okay? We’ll get ready for Noya’s thing, and a couple of things to make sure the Wolves are still tripping over their own legs (A/N: more like their erections am I right) for you guys okay?” Yachi told them calmly.

“OKAY!”

~

The Birds were currently gathered at Yachi’s apartment, as she (for some reason) had a ton of men’s clothes in their size, and she had said none of the Birds could dress to save their lives.

~

In the end, they managed to look presentable. This is what they were wearing, for people who really like small details like I do:

Hinata: a black and orange shirt and black shorts that reached mid-thigh.

Suga: a plain white button up shirt with rolled up sleeves and black skinny jeans.

Noya: a white shirt and black shorts and reached just above knee height.

Kenma: a black shirt and maroon skinny jeans.

Oikawa: a light sky blue button up with sleeves rolled up to the elbows and white skinny jeans.

Yamaguchi: a pastel yellow short sleeved button up shirt with white skinny jeans.

Ennoshita: a dark blue long sleeved button up and black skinny jeans.

Yaku: a maroon short sleeved button up shirt with white polka dots (like AmazingPhil’s one for example) and black skinny jeans.

Akaashi: a black button up shirt with the sleeve rolled up to the elbows and black skinny jeans.

(Sorry if I have shit fashion taste, also, if you haven’t guessed, I really have a thing for button up shirts, and I only own 2.)

~

Noya’s turn was the most notable. No, there was nothing subtle at all about his one. Grinding on a dance floor wasn’t exactly very subtle, and 9 out of 10 doctors agree.

~

“Hey there, wanna dance?” Noya asked the taller man.

“S-sure.” The man (Asahi) stuttered. Noya led him onto the dance floor.

“What’s your name?” Noya asked, swaying around a little.

“Asahi. Yours?”

“I’m Nishinoya, but you can just call me Noya.”

Silence enveloped them, but unbeknownst to Asahi, Noya was waiting for _the_ song to come on. Then:

“Let’s dance properly shall we?”

Noya turned around, pressing his back to Asahi’s front. (I’m making Noya _slightly_ taller for this. He is 5’2 in canon, but 5’5 for the sake of grinding.)

Asahi gasped when Noya grinded back on him. How vanilla.

“What’s wrong big guy? Are you scared?”  Noya purred.

“N-no!”

“Are you sure? You can do anything you want to me, I don’t mind.” Noya whispered. That seemed to do something to Asahi, as he began sucking on Noya’s neck. Noya groaned, arching his neck. This was going better than expected.

~

“Oh my god, how is Noya so confident?” Ennoshita asked.

“Magic.”

“It’s time for Suga to make sure Daichi is still drooling over him.”

“Ah yes. I have to grab his dick while dancing right?”

“Yeah. That’s what all of us will be doing. Then, immediately leave.” Yachi told them. 

~

They executed the plan, surprisingly (or unsurprisingly).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might not be able to upload tomorrow; family business, nothing bad I swear, I just won't be around my laptop or any internet for the entire day. We'll see guys.
> 
> Also; my teacher gives us homework on Monday that is due on Wednesday and on Wednesday gives us homework that is due on Friday and on Friday he gives us homework due on Monday do you know how stressed I am.
> 
> Slightly shorter chapter, not by too much I hope. 
> 
> Life is hectic.


	6. EMERGENCY ALERT CODE RED EVERYONE IS HOMO

Neko: EMERGENCY

Neko: IT’S AN EMERGENCY GUYS

Hoot: WHAT

Neko: EVERYOEN HAS GONE HOMO

Hoot: OH NO NOT HOMO

Neko: HOMO OH NO

Hoot: NO OH HOMO

Neko: HOMO NO OH

Tsundere: wtf

Big Head: I KNOW L

Hoot: WHY IS EVERYONE HERE SO GAY

Hoot: OH MY GOD WE MESSED WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE

Hoot: WHA T HAVE WE DONE

Thighchi: at least they are interested in us right?

Hoot: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT

Thighchi: well Suga grabbed my dick and Noya grinded on Asahi I don’t know about you guys but I think they’re pretty interested.

Hoot: tru

Neko: tru

Leg: YAKU

Zoomi (Iwaizumi btw, I changed it from Iwa): what is this

Hoot: EVERYONE IS GAY

Zoomi: I think I know that

~

Iwaizumi didn’t ask for this. He was in class, and was talking with the teacher, when the fucking minx decided to bend over. Unable to control himself, he stared, drooling slightly.

“-we’ll start the lesson when Iwaizumi decides to stop being a horny teenager, yes?” The teacher said coolly, eyebrow raised. The class giggled, and Iwaizumi jumped, face flushing a dark red.

“W-what?! I w-wasn’t… I’m n-not!” He stuttered. The class laughed harder. Bokuto was currently crying, laughs coming out as wheezy coughs.

“Sure. Now, I’m sure you all know what vectors are yes? You learnt what they are and how to solve them in year 5 (grade 4), yeah?” Kasai-san said. “If you still don’t know what they are, then listen up you fucking idiots, if you do know, just go watch porn on your phone or laptop or whatever.”

What a cool teacher.


	7. THE END OF ALL THINGS

**BIRBS**

Yachi: GUYS

Sunshine: WHAT

Rolling Thunder: wHAT

Yachi: we’re making a group chat with the Wolves.

AkASSi: really

Sunshine: WHAT

Yachi: yeah

Sunshine: WHAT

AkASSi: are you just going to say what forever

Sunshine: WHAT

Rolling Thunder: WHAT

AkASSi: oh not you too

Yachi: okay hold on tight I’m making a new chat

~

**NEW GROUP CHAT**

Yachi: HELLO EVERYONE I HAVE EVERYONE HERE CORRECT?

Kiyoko: Yes, that would be correct.

Yachi: [screenshot sent]

Kiyoko: [screenshot sent]

Yachi: okay that’s what you save everyone as

Ennoshit: Big Head?

Ennoshit: how fitting

Big Head: hey!

Milk: Hello, I am Kageyama Tobio, but my mild acquaintances call me Milk, as a nickname.

Milk: Excuse my terrible typing, I have hands far larger than my phone.

Milk: It is nice to meet you all, I would like

Hoot: some dick

Milk: to get to know you all better

Milk: WHAT NO

Tsundere: stop trying to type nicely we all know you type like a fuckboy

Neko: haha yeah lev send a screenshot

Leg: oaky

_Milk: U BEST NOT SEND THIS TO TH E GROP CHIT_

_Milk: BUT I RELLY WANT TO MARK HINATA’S THIGHS AND FCKU HIM UNTIL HE SCREAMS_

Milk: NO

Milk: LEG I TRUSTED YOU DUMBASS

Rolling Thunder: what

Sugar: what

AkASSi: what

Aliens: what

Meow: what

Yucku: what

Yamagucci: what

Ennoshit: what

Sunshine: what

Sunshine: oh my god

Sunshine: you want to mark my thighs?

Milk: I HaT e YOU LeG AND EVERYONE HERE

Aliens: he marks really easily and it is very prominent btw

Sugar: how tf do you know that

Zoomi: what earth on fuck is happiting

Hoot: lol nice to meet you guys I can tell we’ll get along just fine

Neko: agreed

Aliens: I have my ways of knowing ;)

Sugar: seriously how

Sunshine: I’m guessing it’s the dude I dated that was his friend? He must’ve bragged or something, I’m not surprised he was kind of an asshole

Leg: why did you date him then?

Sunshine: do you really want to know

Milk: YES

Aliens: omg why’re you so desperate for Hinata’s ass

Zoomi: I agree with the shit head above you sound (and are) really desperate and jealous

Sunshine: I’ll pm anyone that wants to know

Milk: shut up we know you stare at Oikawa’s ass

Zoomi: shIT ur SHUt

Thighchi: stop acting like children

Sugar: THIGHchi?

Sugar: why the thigh

Hoot: man you wouldn’t question it if you saw Daichi’s thighs like daMN

_Aliens has changed the chat name to ‘U WOLVES R TOO DAMN THIRSTY’_

Thighchi: what

Aliens: I’m not lying

Zoomi: it’s kind of true

Hoot: yeah

Hoot: also

Hoot: the Wolves definitely sounds cooler than the Birds

Rolling Thunder: WHAT THE FUCK DID U SAY MATE

Rolling Thunder: EXCUSE YOU THE BIRDS DEFINITELY IS BETTER

Hoot: fight me

Rolling Thunder: LETS FUCKING GO

ASSahi: guys can we please sort this out

Rolling Thunder: fine, you know what?

Rolling Thunder: the first day of spring, March 1st, meet at the café, let’s fucking go

Neko: LET’S FUCKING GO

~

Private Message with Milk

Sunshine: okay the reason why was because he was a good fuck and riding him was fun

Milk: uh

~

The 1st of March came along pretty quick, and true to their word, the Wolves showed up.

“Hello fuckers, what do you want us to beat you at today?” Bokuto asked, loudly. The Birds were going to play dirty though.

“Dancing.” Yamaguchi mumbled, ‘shyly’. It was all part of the plan. Look innocent.

“Haha! That’ll be _easy._ Let’s go then.”

“Okay, we’re going to my place because I have a dance room.” Hinata cut in.

Poor Wolves. Every single one of the Birds took dance classes. Hinata’s mum was a ballet dancer and trainer, Noya’s dad was a hip hop dancer, Yamaguchi’s sister was the legendary Yamaguchi Guresu (Grace in Japanese apparently), and so on.

~

Once at Hinata’s house, everyone changed into more suitable dancing gear. The wolves just borrowed some dancing uniforms left over from Hinata’s mothers teaching days.

The Birds were all dressed in a white form fitting-ish shirt and black spandex shorts.

The Wolves were wearing a black polo shirt with black shorts.

The dance off begins now.

The Wolves were dancing first. We’ll see how that turns out.

~

It was a disaster. They played Happy by Pharrell Williams. Then, Kuroo tripped over his own legs and crashed into Iwaizumi who was standing on the side lines next to Tsukishima, causing Tsukishima to also crash down.

Then, Tanaka attempted to jump over Kuroo’s head, which he succeeded in, but he didn’t realise Asahi was standing in front of Kuroo, so he landed on the shy giant. Lev tried to do something vaguely resembling ballet, only to kick Bokuto (who was twerking) over when flailing about.

Again, it was a disaster.

~

The birds went next, obviously. They _executed_ it.

Yamaguchi danced to Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift™. He danced gracefully, eyes closed, a soft smile on his face. The Birds watched with pride, while the Wolves watched in shock. _What the fuck?_ They all seemed to be thinking. The Birds were smug. What the fuck indeed.

Hinata, Noya, Kenma and Yaku were next. They danced to a more suggestive song, because all the Birds are fucking minxes.

There was a part where Hinata pressed close to Noya, and Kenma pressed close to Yaku and they swayed their hips against each other, also known as _grinding_. No homo tho, they’ve all established that they don’t have feelings for each other. The spare Birds watched the reactions of the Wolves in glee; they looked constipated, and a select few (*cough* Asahi *cough* Kageyama *cough* Kuroo *cough* Lev *cough* *cough* *fucking chokes* TOO HOMO) had a mix of emotions on their faces, the most prominent being jealousy. Too easy.

Needless to say, the Birds won.

~

**U WOLVES R TOO DAMN THIRSTY**

Hoot: THAT WASN’T FAIR

Neko: YEAH

Big Head: WE WILL RECLAIM OUR HONOUR

Neko: DRINKING GAMES AT THE BAR AT 10PM TODAY

Hoot: WE’LL BEAT YOU ALL

Sugar: okay! J

~

They did the drinking games. All you need to know is that they were drunk as fuck, and Yachi and Kiyoko almost got killed trying to transport all of the gay losers back to the nearest house (Iwaizumi’s), which just so happened to be similar in size to a mansion.

I’m not evil, Yachi told herself, I’m just doing this for the sake of everyone, Yachi thought, as she stripped the boys down with the help of Kiyoko, and placed them on the bed in _pairs of who liked who_. It was a fucking cliché. Yachi definitely wasn’t doing this to hear the satisfying screeches of confusion in the morning.

~

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! I'm kind of sad to finish this, but there isn't much else I can write without it getting boring.
> 
> I love everyone that has commented! Let me know if you would like a short lil follow up to this!
> 
> I'm starting a new series, my first ever series, and I think you might like it! I've never read a Haikyu fic like it, which is why I'm starting this series. Not sure when I'll upload the series, hopefully it's soon.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Haikyuu! fic, so go easy. I've already written the entire story and all the chapters, I'm just going to post them gradually.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I Think That Possibly, Maybe I'm Falling For You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6374218) by [sukisuga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sukisuga/pseuds/sukisuga)




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